buttons, and how not to

contrary to popular belief, i am still a knitter.

granted, i was a non-knitter for a scary amount of time after i suffered some massive hand injuries early this year – hence no poignant wool-related posts here in the past several months. but thanks to a magnificently talented network of various health professionals, i’m almost entirely back.

anyway – i’m still a knitter, and i made a cardigan. it’s called effervescence by the multi-talented olgajazzy and it’s super lovely and i just want to be engulfed in it until the end of time. (i feel like i say this every time i finish something. but i do not subscribe to inflation, so it’s okay.)

also, in case you’re wondering, i like to call that face my 30-year-old-virgin face.

the yarn is quince & co chickadee, which is not hand-dyed, which means the colour appears very solid, which means that things made with it tend to look less artsy/craftsy than some other things.

WHOASHEJUSTSAIDSOMETHINGMODERATELYINSULTINGABOUTARTSANDCRAFTS

you may commence flogging the heathen now. go on. it’s fun!

after the cardigan was finished and blocked i realized how marvellously neat it looked – so neat, in fact, that i had the idea of doing the  finishing touches to make it look as store-bought as possible. the colour was already there, so it would only take a couple of small things, i deduced.*

hence i took to etsy to find some lovely grosgrain ribbon to sew under the button facings. the funky yellow chevron shapes seemed to create a splendid contrast for the deep purple smoke on the water wool.

so i took my thread and my nano-inch needle and hand-sewed the ribbon on. look how even the little stitches are! LOOK AT THEM!

and i only had to re-sew everything two or three times, which would surely be a personal record if i’d ever tried this before. let’s just say stretchy knitted fabric doesn’t like conforming to incredibly non-stretchy woven tape.

anyway, all of the ribbon came out so nice! oh boy oh boy oh boy!

then i started thinking about buttons, and very quickly decided on simple metal ring snaps, as i thought they would work nicely with the unusual, graphic stitch pattern on the front.

so i began placing the snaps, measuring the spaces in between only somewhat accurately, because i was getting so devilishly close to HAMMERTIME that i kept losing my concentration. UH UH YEAH HAMMERTIME. so there are some that are less perfectly placed than others. also, do NOT tell me i’m the only one who gets a hard-on about hammering things, because that’s just not true.

i did the first front, and then i started on the second front. i was so enthralled by HAMMERTIME that i didn’t organize the various metal parts into separate piles… and so, immediately upon hammering in the fifth button on the second front i realized i had hammered in the wrong top piece.

which is why my left front now looks like this.

BUT THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT. THE PACKAGE HAD THE WRONG AMOUNT OF PARTS. I WAS DOOMED TO FAIL. I COULD NOT HAVE KNOWN.

i’ve been told this is not a complete disaster. i’ve been told that a tool exists that can pry the pieces out without destroying the ribbon or the wool. but so far no one has produced this tool to me.

but that’s okay. i’ve come to terms with what happened, and have simply chosen to rock this fucker like i just don’t care. and doesn’t it rock too? whoop whoop?

click here for more project details

*i am aware of the heated controversy of being flattered versus offended in the event of muggles mistaking hand-knitted items for store-bought items. there are several schools of thought, and i subscribe to none. but i can easily be bribed with cookies.