go ahead & panic

so i’m making this cardigan.

313 yoke stitches per row.

with three alternating skeins of the same yarn, because it’s hand-dyed and i want to avoid pooling and other color-related disasters. 

my hands hurt and my already crippled back is twisted into some kind of contortionist nightmare.

i think, “gee, i hope i don’t screw this thing up, because frogging into three live skeins at the same time is surely not a pleasant thing to do”.

i also think, “nah, i’m not going to count the stitches at this point where the correct amount of stitches is a matter of life and a supernova-type death, i’m sure the number is right”.

so i go ahead and knit one row. purl one row. knit. purl. knit. purl.

“i don’t see how this thing could go wrong”

seven hours and 8136 stitches later.

the yoke is done and i’m marking the stitches to separate the sleeves. front piece, sleeve, back piece, sleeve, front piece. but… the numbers don’t add up.

terror fills my head and panic starts to tighten its death grip on me as i realize i’ve had too many stitches all along.

i failed to read the lace chart properly at the beginning, so i now have 26 extra stitches, which means the yoke is going to be way too big for me. i would have noticed this had i counted the stitches at the point where i knew i should have. but i didn’t. and now it’s too late.

the vision of frogging seven hours’ work into three live skeins at the same time suddenly becomes very real.

bob, you fucking asswipe fartface. kill me now.