bob: get a hold of yourself, woman.

liisa: whatever do you mean?

bob: i know it’s friday and all, but sheesh.

liisa: i haven’t done anything.

bob: really?

liisa: really.

bob: haven’t done anything?

liisa: uh-huh.

bob: so what you’re saying is you didn’t set the alarm for the 9am wollmeise update, race through the stock list like a rabid dog and get three 100% superwash colorways, only one of which being a colorway you ever  intended on purchasing in the first place, and none of which you actually need or have any plans for?

liisa: well…yeah.

bob: and i suppose you didn’t stalk the 4pm handu update either, right?

liisa: obviously.

bob: you do realize i can see everything? and by that i mean i know you’re lying?

liisa: umm… uh..

bob: what a sad, lonely, obsessive little person you are.

liisa: well look here now–

bob: just because it’s friday and the supply is there doesn’t mean you need to go out and buy everything you can get hold of.

liisa: but i really really want to.

bob: well sure, because you’re such a hysteric hoarder. and easily fooled by group mentality. but it’s not like the world’s gonna run out of yarn, you know.

liisa: i’m terribly afraid it does.

bob: look. you know anything about marketing tactics? stuff that’s elusive, seemingly unique and in limited quantity creates hype around itself that makes it seem way past its original value. it first creates artificial needs by making exclusiveness a virtue and a point of social reference, and then forces people to grab whatever they can for whatever the price before it sells out. so in effect morons like you make hasty decisions based on false needs and still somehow come out thinking they’ve made a really good deal. i’m not saying that wollmeise shit ain’t pretty goddamn awesome, but don’t go foaming in the mouth at every update unless there’s something there you really like. by all means buy it if it genuinely makes you happy. but keep in mind that buying stuff just because you can is stupid. and the colorways, they’re all more or less repeatable. they’re not forever lost once the update’s through. it’s all in your head. you don’t need to buy that 21€ skein just because it’s there.

liisa: but i like getting expensive yarn online because when it arrives i get to make myself pretty for the postman and then i can arrange the skeins in perfect little piles and sing to them and pet them and rub myself against them and then we can all have a little tea party where i’m queen fluffalot and the skeins are my royal court. and the postman’s the chambermaid.

bob: you serious?

liisa: uh.. the thing is.. i, uh.. yeah.

bob: well i’ve seen all kinds of shit in my time, but goddamn.

liisa: i know i need to change but i’m not sure i want to.

bob: suit yourself, then, as a lazy tailor would say. i’m done watching this horseplay of yours. bob out.

liisa: don’t leave me, bob.

bob: you’ve made your choice.

liisa: you can’t do this to me.

bob: i already did. get over it.

liisa: well fuck you too, bob!

bob: ..what did you say?

liisa: oh god. no. wait. wait–