2
Jul
2011
0

confessions of a crack addict

did i say crack? i meant yarn.

but we in the knitting business know that a good ball of yarn can be as addictive as any illegal substance. and totally as expensive.

the only thing that so far has saved me from personal bankruptcy is the fact that whenever i want something special i have to buy it online. which is too slow and lacks the integral touch-and-feel part of buying yarn. so i’ve been relatively safe, with only a few relapses at fairs and conventions here and there. but now my local yarn store has, in its infinite evilness, started stocking luxury yarns.

the other day i went there to buy some boring mundane everyday 3.80 merino for another turtle i was making. and what do i see stashed incospicuously on a shelf below eye level, as if to fool the casual passer-by? koigu! jitterbug! malabrigo freakin’ sock!

yes. malabrigo freakin’ sock. in candombe.

why, satanic proprietors, have you done this to us? have you no idea what this means to these poor souls with no level of self-control?

i found myself forced to grab furiously whatever i can and proceed to the counter, with the same shameful it’s-so-wrong-but-it-feels-so-right look on my face that alcoholics and crack whores often have.

here you go, 17.50 euros for a single hank of yarn. my brain and my wallet may be bleeding but inside i’m having the most filthily orgastic pillow-fight slumber party of my life. rapture is only a tram ride away.

1
Jul
2011
0

jag dyrkar satan

here’s a little something i picked up from a trip to norway.

www.fuldesign.se

i know it’s not technically knitting. but i stitched it all by myself. with my bleeding little hands. so stop bitching. and start worshipping satan. prostitution is recommended too.

said eloquent piece of artwork also goes rather nicely with this little trinket i picked up from a trip to sweden.

www.ahlund-karlen.com

what the hell is wrong with scandinavians anyway?

21
Jun
2011
0

shelly the turtle

meet shelly.

he’s a turtle. and in contrast to his gentle appearance, his favorite movie is machete. he also gets all them lady turtles, because he’s that smooth.

sheldon by ruth homrighaus
flavia baby & drops baby merino (25g each / 2.5mm)
looks cute, don’t he

you see, nobody ever suspects the turtle

but when he gets randy he slips out of his shell
and does the naked lambada
11
Jun
2011
0

baby stuff part deux

okay, forget everything i said about girly and boy-y clothing in the previous post. i just had to make this lacy number. look how pretty it is!

maile sweater by nikki van de car
size about 3 mo
sandnes lanett (65 g / 3mm)

a couple of grievances though.

first, i should’ve used smaller needles. 3’s made the piece a little droopy and blocking made it even worse. always go for number 2 (chuckle) with fingering weight yarn. always.

second, i very nearly slit my wrists at the armhole part like everyone else, because the author in her infinite wisdom herself prefers to “struggle through” joining body and sleeve stitches without binding off any. no sane person will be able to do that, without breaking stuff at least, and there should’ve been a clear plan B for those of us with lesser blessings in the patience department. shame on you!

but again, the finished piece shows no signs of any near-death experience, which can only be attributed to my personal mental stamina. obviously.

8
Jun
2011
0

baby stuff

like i said, there’s a tiny person on the way in my family. and she’s in desperate need of my knitting. the mother may disagree. but the fact is, without clothes she’ll go around naked, and that kind of behavior will not stand, man.

sunnyside cardigan by tanis lavallée
size newborn
flavia baby (80 g / 2.5mm)

the pattern called for a heavier yarn and 3.5 needles, so i wasn’t exactly sure what size would emerge from the green ball of joy. after blocking and stretching it a little it seems like a pretty good fit for a newborn (chest circumference 40 cm). so all’s good. unless she decides to keep baking in there and pop out two months later as some sort of giant inflated monster child, which in my pseudorealistic universe is entirely possible. that would render the cardigan useless though, and make me a very sad panda. here’s to hoping for a normal, healthy child with normal, healthy proportions. although an extra finger or something would make her more unique.

my only complaint with an otherwise good pattern is that it advocates needless gender divisions among defenseless children. listen to this: “a lacy cable and picot edge can make a pretty cardigan for a little girl; or a handsome rope cable and garter stitch hem make a masculine cardigan perfect for a little boy”. really? feel my gender-egalitarian wrath! FEEL IT!

obviously i went for the “masculine” version to prove my point.

after recovering from this gender shock i also made a butch pair of socks to match. to keep them piggies warm.

garter stripe socks by jennifer hoel
size newborn
flavia baby (20 g / 2.5mm)

i made the heel and toe with my regular sock pattern, because the given instructions just didn’t work for me. i’m not very smart, you see.

more pictures after the jump.

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