no i’m not dead. and yes i’m doing stuff. useful stuff, even. not the dishes though. they’ve waited since dec 23, they can wait another week or so. in case you’re wondering i’m totally fine with being gross.

but starting seven projects (five of them sweaters) basically all at once means nothing gets finished for a long time. although, reverse the thought, when they finally do i get seven killer pieces of clothing in a short time. but again reversed, it means i have little time for anything else like, say, etsy. apologies for that. i meant to update the shop with stuff i’ve made right after new year, but alas, stuff has remained distinctly unmade. as you can see, being a prolific rapist of the english language takes up as much of my time as work and knitting combined.

but i’m getting there, sooner or later.

on a related topic, lately i’ve been thinking a lot about something called “selfish knitting”. ever since christmas i’ve read about it in blogs and heard people talking about it at work pretty much every day. seems like this is the one short time of the year when knitters everywhere finally let out a collective sigh of relief, having finished all of their knitted christmas presents, that at the same time faintly, almost inaudibly, whispers, “is it my turn now?”

all throughout fall and winter they’ve knitted according to other people’s wishes, working in an insane schedule, using yarn they hate, purchasing patterns they wouldn’t otherwise spend their money on. which effectively sucks all the fun out of knitting. and now that all the work is done, they still feel they don’t have the right to focus on themselves, but rather blog about their “selfish knittings” in an ashamed tone of voice as if they feared god himself will descend from heaven and strike them down with fire and frogs and gerbils any second now.

what i hear is people, as though in some bizarre cosmic morality tale, feeling the need to justify and apologize endlessly for doing stuff they like and not what others like. knitters by definition are a good-hearted bunch of people that finds it hard to say no, so, sadly, many find themselves never having the time to make that one scarf they’ve always wanted to make, or using that one yarn they’ve wanted to try all year, because some non-knitter always butts in with their own wishes and schedules and preferences and expectations.

a sad example being, even though this story relates to ruffle yarn (yuck), something i’ve heard all throughout this week and last. these awfully nice ladies knitted dozens and dozens of ruffle scarves as christmas presents but couldn’t hold on to one for themselves because whenever they finished one they would be practically torn from their hands. unable to say no, they just thought they’d wait after christmas and then do a little “selfish knitting”. but now all ruffle yarns are practically sold out without any chance of restocking them until next winter. even though it’s ruffle yarn, which in case you haven’t noticed i absolutely loathe, it just breaks my heart to see all these kind folks left completely without a scarf of their own because they kept postponing their own desire for one in favor of others.

if you’re one of them saints who’s genuinely happy and content knitting for others instead of yourself, i salute you. i really do. but if not, now’s a very good time to stop feeling guilty about it.

and so, after being so abundantly generous with my knitting for years, making stuff primarily for others, i’ve decided to try being a selfish tit for a while and only make stuff i’m actually interested in making. for now i’ve had enough of pushing my own projects far into the future because my order book is so cramped. so no, i won’t make you a pair of socks or anything else either unless the project in question has some awesome points of pleasure to offer me. or unless you’re my mom, who’s exclusively exempted from such restrictions because having once pushed my giant ego through her cha-cha is sort of enough to guarantee a lifetime supply of socks. but others, you get your own bloody needles.

to conclude, i hereby declare the first annual K.A.P.O.W. (knitters against pointless over-guilt & weariness), lasting all throughout the months of january, february and march. this is your time. do whatever you want. knit whatever you like. listen to your own needs and plans and not someone else’s. be nice to yourself for a change.

spread the word!

and if anyone gives you any crap, poke ’em in the eye with a dpn. non-knitters won’t even know what hit them.